New Years Resolutions can impact your mental health
How many of us started the year with very well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions, and how many of these have we stuck to as the month ends?
Why is it that we so often resolve to be better people as we move from one year into the next?
Are New Year resolutions a good idea anyway?
In this blog, Claire Acfield, a counsellor at the Female Health Clinic, discusses how the practice of setting new year resolutions can often lead to feelings of disappointment and self-blame if not achieved, particularly when goals are set too high or are unrealistic with the potential to damage self-esteem and motivation.
Plenty of us can relate to that feeling as the new year approaches, shiny with the promise of a new, improved version of us. We make countless vows to be more healthy, to lose weight, to save money, to be a better friend/partner/parent, to improve ourselves in a myriad of ways. Only to crash and burn a few weeks into January and find ourselves back where we started – though potentially now feeling worse with a horrible sense of failure. Apparently the second Friday in January is “Quitter’s Day” – 80% of us will have abandoned our resolutions by then! The novelty has worn off and we find ourselves slipping back into the bad habits we are trying to shake.
Speaking personally, I can’t remember a December when I haven’t made a serious dent in a tub of Celebrations, bemoaned how tight my clothes feel and immediately promised myself: “next year I will be slim”, as if this is my route to true happiness.
Why do we do this to ourselves with depressing regularity? Would I be a better person, more successful or more liked if I was a smaller dress size? Deep down I know that none of this is true, but it doesn’t stop me aspiring to shrink myself every January, into someone who would like themselves more when they look in the mirror. So where does this come from? Why is January the month when many of us give ourselves a metaphorical kick up the backside and announce: “New Year, New Me”?
We know that December is a time for excess. We are positively encouraged to spend money on presents, to eat and drink as much as we possibly can, in order to fulfill the brief of a perfect Christmas for ourselves and our loved ones. If I arrived at a festive gathering and announced that I was “being healthy” I would be met with laughter, confusion and almost certainly derision. In December we are expected to pile our plates high and refill our glass multiple times. But as soon as January arrives (along with an alarming credit card bill), our screens are filled with offers of help with our diet and fitness. Now is the time to suddenly abandon all that festive gluttony and to begin a punishing regime, whether it’s healthy eating, exercise, dry January or cost cutting. Or maybe all of the above.
The gyms are full and the streets are crowded with people earnestly pounding the pavements. For one month only! The huge shift in pace and expectation between these months can play havoc with our mental health. Many of us feel depressed, anxious and emotionally dysregulated at the start of a new year. We have all heard of the January blues, and yet somehow this is the month we are lured into believing that we can and should change ourselves for the better. This often coincides with the negative after-effects of too much food and alcohol, and it’s natural for us to want to cut back a bit when the Christmas celebrations are over. But “new year, new you”?
To me this seems extreme and it’s a way of setting ourselves up for an almighty crash if we can’t stick to the resolutions we have placed so much faith in. Feeling that we have failed ourselves can be crushing and makes us far less likely to want to persevere to reach our goals.
When we make these resolutions we are actually telling ourselves: “I’m not good enough as I am”. This can be connected to issues around low self-esteem and identity which are painful to live with. Counselling can be a very helpful way to explore why we may feel “less than”, as well as discussing realistic and meaningful goal setting. Looking at my own ongoing (fruitless) resolution, I could reflect on why I have always equated being slimmer with somehow better. Is there anyone in my life who has reinforced these ideas to me? How do I feel about my body image in general and the way that others see me physically?
As another example, instead of simply saying you want to stop drinking, it can be useful to look at the reasons why this is important to you. It may be simply for health or financial reasons, or you may have a difficult relationship with alcohol. There may be generational habits around drinking which you are looking to break. By discussing this in therapy and understanding its significance, you stand a far greater chance of reaching your goal. If you start with why you will gain a better insight into why a resolution is important to you, and you are more likely to succeed.
There is nothing wrong with working towards self-improvement, but please don’t punish yourself if your well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions turned out to be nothing more than that – an intention.
People come to counselling because they want to make positive changes in their life, and I show my clients how to empower themselves in order to do this. But empowering someone is in part helping them to see that who they are now is already worthwhile. Often when a person is validated and shown their positive attributes by someone else, it can give them the motivation and confidence to make the changes they are seeking.
So try to be kind to yourself, be thoughtful about which direction of personal growth you think could benefit you and why this would be.
Rather than simply coveting the concept of a mysterious “new you” who will apparently appear as soon as the clock strikes midnight on 31st December, ready and willing to be improved. He or she is only an idea – the real you in the here and now is worth celebrating.
Claire is available for face-to-face appointments at our Hartley Wintney clinic or online. The first step would be to schedule a complimentary 30-minute video call with Claire to learn more about counselling and determine whether it is suitable for you. Call 01252 915333 or email info@thefemalehealthclinic.co.uk to arrange this.
Each session is 50 minutes long and takes place weekly. Counselling at the Female Health Clinic is suitable for men and women aged 18 or over who feel they may benefit from sharing their thoughts and emotions in a private, non-judgmental environment. The sessions are open-ended, which means you can continue attending weekly until you decide it’s the right time to finish.
