In this blog, Claire Acfield, a counsellor at The Female Health Clinic, explains intrusive thoughts and offers strategies for managing them.
Some of our thinking is intentional. For example, if we are trying to work out a maths problem or writing a shopping list. These thoughts have been initiated by and are controlled by us. Our brain is working helpfully so all is well. At other times an uncontrolled thought may pop into our head. For example, we may suddenly remember someone we went to school with who we haven’t thought about for years. This type of thought is neutral and benign and therefore we don’t give it much importance. Both controlled and uncontrolled thoughts are normal and it’s important to remember that we can’t regulate all our thoughts throughout the day.
We run into trouble when we experience an uncontrolled thought which we believe we shouldn’t be having. We may imagine harming ourselves or someone else, even our loved ones. We may think about performing inappropriate sexual acts or behaving dangerously or aggressively in public. Even though we don’t act on these thoughts, just having them can be incredibly disturbing and can bring misery to those who experience them regularly. Our instinct is to try to run away from or bury these upsetting thoughts. But unfortunately the more we do this, the more they will return. Imagine a beach ball you keep pushing under the surface of water. The deeper you push, the harder it will come back up to the surface with greater impact. We must remember that we can’t control these thoughts and therefore we shouldn’t judge ourselves for anything we can’t control.
I listened to a podcast where a psychology professor explained how at the end of a class he wrote the word COOKIES in huge letters on the board. He told his students that their only homework for the week was to forget what he had written. He said “this is incredibly important: whatever you do you must forget you ever saw this”. Of course, they came back next week all saying the same thing, that it was impossible. The more they tried to forget the more it was etched in their brains. This is a good analogy for how intrusive thoughts work. If we label them a problem then our brain will hyper-focus on them.
So what are we responsible for? We can stop thinking of these thoughts as harmful. They are just thoughts which aren’t useful to us. We may experience these types of thoughts as a result of what has happened to us, but they are not predictive.
Seeing a counsellor can help you to process what the trauma may be behind you having these types of thoughts.
When we have one of these unhelpful thoughts, the first thing we need to do is acknowledge it. Yes it may be painful, but it isn’t saying anything about us as a person or what we might do.
After all, we are not our thoughts.
We need to allow the thought to sit there while we get on with our day. If we are willing to have the thought, this will teach our brain that it’s not dangerous. Once we notice it, the cognitive part of our brain starts working and takes over from the emotional side. If we can normalise and remove emotion from our thoughts this will help us to take control.
We are not denying any thoughts that we may have, we are changing our relationship with them.
We could even rebrand what we call them – instead of intrusive thoughts why not name them random, unhelpful thoughts which don’t sit well with us.
And if we allow them just to be, they will soon float away like that beach ball left to sit on the surface of the water.
Claire is available for face-to-face appointments at our Hartley Wintney clinic or online. The first step would be to schedule a complimentary 30-minute video call with Claire to learn more about counselling and determine whether it is suitable for you. Call 01252 915333 or email info@thefemalehealthclinic.co.uk to arrange this.
Each session is 50 minutes long and takes place weekly. Counselling at the Female Health Clinic is suitable for men and women aged 18 or over who feel they may benefit from sharing their thoughts and emotions in a private, non-judgmental environment. The sessions are open-ended, which means you can continue attending weekly until you decide it’s the right time to finish.
