Mens Health Awareness Month is observed in November to raise awareness about three key issues: mental health and suicide prevention, prostate cancer, and testicular cancer.
The month aims to encourage men to start conversations about their health and seek support when needed.
In this blog, we hear from David (not his real name), who shares what mental health means to him at age 28 and the difficulties and struggles he faces as a young man today.
Claire Acfield, a counsellor at The Female Health Clinic, responds to David’s concerns and offers advice on how she would approach working with him in counselling sessions.
She aims to help him make sense of the challenges he faces, while also offering support and guidance through thoughtful questioning as he navigates these challenges.
By David
Mental health at my age is complex. I am a 28 year old male and I am still learning a lot about myself – what makes me happy, what I want from the relationships in my life, what my career goals are. I am making a lot of decisions I have not had to make before – should I buy a house? Is it irresponsible to get pets? Do I want marriage? – which can feel overwhelming and scary, especially if you are receiving conflicting advice from peers and family members.
It can be difficult not to compare myself to others. Some of my friends have the white picket fence, kids, career etc whilst other friends are still living the student life and partying most weekends. Everyone on social media seems to be living their best lives, immune to the anxieties I feel on a daily basis.
I feel this is exasperated with the increased cost of living. How much money am I supposed to have at this age? How much is enough? It can still be a taboo topic and therefore tricky to navigate alone. However it is all made a lot easier by having such a supportive network of family and friends around me.
I started experiencing anxiety whilst at University and still suffer with it at times in my late 20s. I have the most responsibility I have ever had – at home and at work – and stress can have a big impact on my mental health.
My pillar for dealing with life’s stresses is staying active. When I was at university I saw a GP for these feelings and he advised me to get active, either joining a gym or taking up a sport. This is a bit of a turning point in my life as I really found a passion for exercise and found that it is the most valuable tool in protecting my mental health. Spending an hour in the gym with my own thoughts allows me to reflect on things that have happened or distract me from them depending on the type of work out I have. Either way, I always finish the exercise feeling rejuvenated and empowered.
From Claire
This client is in his late 20s and I can see that he is still very much working out who he is and where his life is going.
Research shows that our brains only stop developing at the age of 25, so he has recently been through a period of huge change. I would acknowledge how hard this can be, how suddenly we are expected to be “grown ups” and handle adult responsibilities which can feel very overwhelming.
What comes across loud and clear in his blog is the pressure he feels to do things “right”. I would ask where this pressure is coming from – a parent or other family member? Himself? Or maybe a combination of both? He feels a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and I would discuss with him how he feels about that. Is he happy with the life decisions he has made? If he could go back would he do some things differently?
I would ask the client who is giving him all of this advice – is it asked for or unsolicited? And does he appreciate the input from other people or would he prefer to be left to make his own decisions? The client’s head sounds crowded with a lot of different people’s opinions and I wonder if that makes it harder to hear his own voice above all of them? If they were all silenced and there was no pressure on him from others, what would his inner voice be saying to him?
I would ask the client what it means to him to be a man – what does he feel is expected of him and by whom? Are there any expectations he finds particularly challenging? He mentioned financial pressure so I would ask more about that, and how taking responsibility for money affects his mental health.
Social media is an all-consuming beast in our society, especially for those in their teens and 20s. I would ask the client what he feels the benefits of social media are. Often the answer to this is “connection” – we like to see what others are doing and to feel connected to them in a world which can often be quite isolating, with working from home far more prevalent than it was in previous decades.
I would examine with the client the fact that social media is a construct rather than real life, and people’s accounts are very carefully curated to show their best selves. If we recognise that we are feeling dejected or down when looking at certain accounts then “unfollow” is usually a positive step! One idea could be to reach out to people to meet up face to face rather than being reliant on online connection. Once we see our friends in real life we often get a far more balanced idea of how they really are, rather than the picture perfect display they present for social media.
I wholeheartedly agree that exercise is a fantastic activity to help in achieving more positive mental health. Studies show that it releases endorphins, aids sleep and reduces stress. I may suggest to this client that exercise and therapy can be very complementary to each other. A person who relies solely on exercise and doesn’t try to address why they might be feeling this way could be at risk of pushing down or ignoring difficult feelings – which will always pop up again if they are not dealt with.
The client mentioned his anxiety and I would ask him how this manifests now. I may suggest some practical tips on how to reduce his anxiety when it flares up, while also asking him where he thinks it stems from.
Hopefully this approach would give the client permission to find his own voice, which perhaps has got lost in a world full of other people’s “right” way of doing things. It would also allow him to examine why he has these patterns of behaviour and perhaps to look back to his early life to see where these originated.
Mental Health Support
It takes courage to acknowledge when we are struggling with our mental health and asking for help and speaking with someone is always a great step forward. Consider speaking with a friend or family member, or reaching out to a therapist or counsellor who can provide you with professional guidance and support.
Claire is available for face-to-face appointments at our Hartley Wintney clinic or online.
The first step would be to schedule a complimentary 20-minute video call with Claire to learn more about counselling and determine whether it is suitable for you.
Call 01252 915333 or email info@thefemalehealthclinic.co.uk to arrange this.
There are also some wonderful and supportive organisations and resources available that can provide help, such as:
MIND Provides information of mental health topics
Support line 0300 102 1234
Information line 0300 123 3393
Rethink Mental Illness
Samaritans
Call 116 123
www.samaritans.org
